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Wishing your dreams begin to come true, and every tomorrow be happy for you! The Language of Attraction by Matt Artisan. Tags: Relationship. I'm sure we can work this out. I thought for sure she was going to dump me. I assumed she must have thought I was a coward for not fighting him. But the probability of me going out that window was higher than I was willing to risk. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder.
Josh just collapsed onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. I plopped down next to him and handed him my phone. While he cried and worked things out on the phone, I slid into the kitchen.
The first time I felt fear was when I glanced up at her gaping mouth. I stiffened in preparation for all the ways she was going to call me a coward. I've never seen anything like that. Little did I know I had just displayed the most important trait for attracting women.
The single most important thing you can be to spark attraction is not being rich, handsome nor brilliant. Every woman has different tastes in men, but the number one masculine quality that makes every female from any culture or age feel safe and secure is a man who is grounded.
This is the core pre-requisite to being attractive to any woman. That means exactly what it sounds like. A grounded man is solid and unshakable, no matter what life, or women, throw his way. Imagine a forest lashed around by a hurricane. All those trees are men. On a calm day, they all look alike: strong, powerful and unshakable.
At least until a big storm comes. Funny enough, quite often that storm is the raw, wild and unpredictable force of femininity itself. Consciously or subconsciously, many women try to push their man down. Not out of spite—no woman wants to break her man— but out of an instinctual need to test her mate and feel his strength. This is why being grounded is so critical. Not just for meeting women in the first place but having any sort of deeper relationship.
This crucial motivating factor is something most men never think about, and it shocks them to find out how important it is to women. Even most dating coaches never talk about this because they have no clue groundedness is such a universal trait women are looking for.
Before I show you practical ways to ground yourself, you need to grasp the all-important role that tension plays and how it makes or breaks all your interactions with women. Tension can involve any stressor, ranging from just being out of your comfort zone to facing mortal danger. He's a man who appears very ungrounded and nervous most of the time. He doesn't seem sure of himself. He's always releasing tension by looking away, smiling or laughing.
In fact, he was known on Saturday Night Live as the actor who always laughed when he wasn't supposed to. Pull up some interviews and watch his eye contact with his guests. He always breaks eye contact first to avoid tension. This is his form of humor and it works to get a laugh, but I don't know too many women who find Jimmy Fallon incredibly attractive. It can be argued that he has a similar level of physical attractiveness as Fallon, although Fallon is significantly wealthier and more famous.
Yet, many famous female celebrities are outspoken about how attractive they find Craig Ferguson. If you watch him during interviews, you'll notice that he has an innate ability to handle tension with his guests, especially the attractive female ones. In fact, he will introduce the sexual tension and just let it sit there for a moment, while remaining perfectly calm and in control. Even without saying another word, women find him more grounded, more confident and more attractive.
Women instinctively desire a man who doesn't crack under tension, can take control and can handle the situation when the shit hits the fan. This is a man who is a leader and makes decisions quickly.
When danger presents itself,. If he is ungrounded and easily shaken, then he will likely panic, putting her life in danger. The main job of our male ancestors was to hunt for food and protect the tribe. To do this, they had to constantly face dangerous situations. What do you think the chance of surviving was if the cavewoman picked a mate who was scared of simple tension? The one thing all these have in common is their ability to handle tension.
These men are willing to run full speed ahead into the tensest situations and take charge. Even though it's uncomfortable and unpleasant, or in some cases even life threatening, they are going to get the job done no matter what. Remember the movie Ocean's Eleven? When shit hits the fan and their brilliant plan seems to be falling apart, what are they doing?
They are calm, confident and grounded. In one scene, Rusty is eating an apple as if everything is fine. Nothing seems to faze him. Even when he gets a punch to the face, he remains calm and is still smiling. Yet, what do the less attractive characters in the movie do when things go awry? They panic. They sweat. They don't know what to do, so they call on Danny or Rusty for help.
His body tenses up, his nerves take over, and she can feel it. He breaks eye contact, talks too fast, laughs too much, and stands too far away, all of which breaks the tension. It's your ability to step into tension and handle tense situations that makes you a man that women find attractive.
This allows her to completely surrender into her feminine nature. When you are grounded you are tapping into your masculine and you'll notice women around you will seem more feminine. This is what happens with guys who are naturally good with women. They don't need to do or say much to attract a woman. A natural just shows up in his masculine grounded state, which allows women to be in their most feminine state.
For a woman to be attracted to a man he needs to make her step into her feminine side. Only a grounded man can do that. This is exactly why it only takes a few seconds for a woman to put you in the potential lover category or not. When you approach a beautiful woman for the first time, there is a lot of tension in that moment. If she gives you an objection or resistance, then there is even more tension. When she can feel that you are not afraid of the awkwardness and remain calm in the intensity of the moment, then she will feel that you are a masculine man who can protect her.
And even though it was a horrible opener, she could tell I was confident enough to say it, and I wasn't apologetic or nervous in my attempt. Young men are no longer cast out alone into nature or have to pass some dangerous test to prove they can handle tense situations. And unlike ancient civilizations, we no longer have to hunt for food, use our physical strength work in a dangerous factory or build railroads, or get drafted to the military to fight wars.
Nowadays joining the military is no longer mandatory. We can work a cushy job and sit safely in our cubicle. When we want food we can visit a restaurant and have it served to us on a silver platter or just order online and have it delivered right to our doorstep.
Without tremendous tension, how could a lump of coal turn into a diamond? No one and nothing is going to help. We are no longer forced to take life-threatening risks or get out of our comfort zone just to survive. In a lot of ways this is great because our lives are a lot safer and more convenient than past generations.
But this type of society has also created a lot of soft, tension-avoiding ungrounded men…. Girls always complain about the bad boy, yet they prefer to sleep with him over the perceived nice guy almost every time. Why is that? Nice guys tend to spend their whole lives avoiding tension. They stay in relationships that are unhealthy and they work jobs they don't like because it feels more comfortable than quitting and starting all over.
Nice guys tend to avoid all the tension in life. Women are suspicious of a nice guy because he hides his intentions. He avoids tension by telling her what he thinks she wants to hear. The bad boy says whatever the fuck he wants and barrels through any tension he creates.
Instead, embody the positive qualities of both the nice guy and the bad boy. Stop worrying what she will think about you if you show interest in her. Step into tension instead of backing down, while never losing your generous side. Be a nice person who is reliable and who people can count on, while also being a man who is honest in his intentions and can step into tension when necessary. That is the perfect combination and women will love you for it. Her attraction for you will increase even more when she tests you and you pass those tests.
Remember, men have the ability to both keep a woman safe and also cause her physical harm. When you pass her test and remain calm and nonreactive it allows her to trust that you won't physically or mentally hurt her, since you didn't get upset or emotional when she said something you didn't like.
Remember, women are not attracted to you because of what you say, but rather by who you are as a man. She wants to see you win. She wants to feel that she cannot break you or knock you off your game.
She wants. For example, she might say she doesn't like your shirt. Or she might say she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't. The key is to remain grounded. That shows her that you aren't afraid of her and allows her to feel your strength as a man.
When you stand up to her it shows that you can stand up for yourself and take charge of the situation. It allows her to step more into her femininity and surrender to your masculine presence. It shows her that you have control over your emotions and can remain calm under pressure. An ungrounded man, on the other hand, lets his emotions control him, which is a disaster because he will likely either overreact or retreat, ruining everything. Think of James Bond when he is being attacked by the hot female villain.
She is trying to stab him with a knife as he gracefully deflects. He's calm and poised while she tries her hardest to cause him harm. He deflects again, this time cracking a corny sexual innuendo. Finally, she gives up and in the next scene they are rolling around between the sheets. When I used to live in Las Vegas with Amanda, there was also another coach there who regularly ran boot camps in the club where Amanda worked.
Because you look like this girl in school I knew that loved horses. The opener would have been fine it if was true, but it was fake and designed to make the guy seem cooler than the girl, thus hiding his shortcomings. Not a good plan. Amanda heard this line more than once and was not impressed. She could sense the desperation, neediness and insecurity a mile away.
This is just one of the many stories Amanda would tell me about the barrage of needy, insecure guys trying to pick her up with canned lines and routines.
Now, lines and routines can actually work fine if you are grounded and secure in yourself. Without grounded confidence though, even the best lines will fail. As you can see, being grounded is a life-long process of seeking out and embracing tension. Something you must practice every day to build confidence and stay unwavering in the face of adversity… but what happens if you falter in a moment of weakness?
Well, you can instantly reground yourself in any situation by following a few simple steps. You see, ungrounded people operate on autopilot most of the time. Their minds are drifting, moving between the past and the future and mostly just reacting to their environment reflexively. They also tend to get bogged down by constantly thinking about past failures or future worst-case scenarios. These thoughts, which are often not conscious, make them feel tense and nervous in even the slightest uncommon or uncomfortable situations.
So the first step to being grounded is to be fully mindful of the present moment. When you are mindful of what is happening right now in the moment, not the future nor the past, you can respond to the situation with a calm sense of clarity. Only in this state can you manage the stress caused by the cortisol running through your blood and turn off the fight or flight response. To put your mind back into the present moment you must focus on what is going on in the here and now.
Here are three tried and proven techniques used by Buddhist monks for centuries to bring your mind back to the present and keep calm under pressure:. When you become aware of the physical sensations affecting you, your awareness goes from your head down into your body. This helps to quiet your mind and ground yourself into the present moment.
When you experience a strong negative emotion, such as anger, nervousness, regret, jealousy, etc. Embrace the emotion, allow yourself to feel neutral towards it, and remind yourself that all unwanted feelings are temporary.
This technique works incredibly well when you are feeling the fear of talking to beautiful woman, also known as approach anxiety. Most guys will try to fight the feeling or let the feeling control them, and therefore, not approach her. Instead, feel the nervousness in your body and allow yourself to experience it fully by pinpointing its exact location, describing the feelings to yourself, becoming acquainted with the feeling, and breathing into it and embracing it.
Just remind yourself that this is normal and it soon will pass. This simple technique is one of the main methods Buddhists monks use to stay grounded and centered all the time. Take a second right now to feel the sensations in your body, and notice whatever you are feeling.
This helps bring you back to the present moment. Breathing is predominantly an unconscious mechanism controlled by your autonomic nervous system. However, when you can take control and breath consciously, it focuses your awareness on your body, bringing you back into present consciousness and thus, calming your mind and grounding your energy.
Start by taking 3 deep breaths. In through your nose, and out through your mouth. Fill up your lungs. Hold during the inhale for 3 to 4 seconds and release through a 7 to 10 second exhale. The long exhale is the key component to relaxing your body and relieving stress. Professional free divers have a similar breathing technique to help them slow down their heart rate. Do you feel more calm and relaxed? Did the monkey chatter in your head stop?
Do this anytime you are in an anxious state, especially before approaching a woman. Now that you are more connected with your body by embracing what you are feeling and focusing on your breathing, I want you to connect with your environment by scanning the vicinity around you.
Engage each of your senses one by one. As you take in the world around you, there will be no room for additional thoughts and the monkey chatter in your head will go away, and you'll become more present in the moment.
Take a second to do this now. Put the book down for 10 seconds and scan the vicinity around you. When you are actually talking to a woman, instead of scanning the environment around you making you appear disinterested or distracted, your focus should be on her. So instead, connect with her eyes. Making deep eye contact and noticing all the details in her eyes will bring your awareness to the present moment.
Notice the different colors, the size of her pupils and the fine lines surrounding her eyes. The second time I went skydiving I was still very nervous. My body was full of tension and fear. A few seconds after my instructor and I jumped out of the plane, free falling towards the Earth like a bullet, I felt totally present in the moment.
I was devoid of thought and simply enjoying the sensations. He seemed to experience no fear when jumping out of that plane because he put himself in that situation over and over again. This made me wonder whether he experienced fear when he approached a beautiful woman, or if he was just as calm and centered.
My guess is that he probably experiences anxiety much less than the average guy who runs from tension at all costs.
I rarely feel any nervousness or even discomfort when approaching a beautiful woman. Because, just like the sky diver, I've been through the situation so often my mind and body are trained to know that nothing bad will happen.
However, years ago when I first started approaching women I hated the uncomfortable feeling. I would try anything to break the tension by standing too far away, talking too fast, breaking eye contact, fidgeting and sounding apologetic.
Back then, I felt like I was interrupting women when I approached them on the street. With an attitude like that, naturally my results were slim. In fact, I realized that I was actually making their day by giving them a genuine compliment.
As a result, my anxiety decreased and I became more comfortable, confident and grounded. The more grounded I became, the more my body language improved. Without even having to think about it. My eye contact grew stronger. I stopped fidgeting. I was comfortable standing closer. I was slowing down my movements and speaking calmer. I looked and felt a lot more confident and in control. As my results improved, I started playing with the tension even more by standing closer and leaving ever longer pauses with even more intense eye contact.
The women seemed to love it. Just like any new sport or skill, it is not going to be comfortable at first. But as you keep practicing, eventually you will become better at it, and your comfort, skill level and confidence will increase.
For example, think of your favorite athlete. When he goes to kick the ball or shoot the winning shot, do you think he is full of nervous and anxious energy?
Probably not. He's calm, yet excited. He's grounded, yet energetic. He has practiced so many times that he is prepared for almost anything.
To speed up the process of becoming a grounded man who can handle tension, put yourself in tense situations on a regular basis. Make fear your friend and start conquering your fears one by one. Make sure you are safe as you do it. If your fear is jumping off a skyscraper then make sure you do it with the proper safety or bungee gear.
Jumping off with a parachute you made with an old backpack and a bed sheet is not ballsy, it's just stupid. Start with simple things like holding eye contact with people as long as possible.
Do this with strangers as you walk by them. It might feel awkward but remember that eventually the tension will break. One time I did this exercise, while strolling on the boardwalk in Newport Beach, California, and I made eye contact with a guy standing outside his beach house drinking a beer.
As I got closer, he held my gaze and I could feel the tension building. I was determined not be the first to break the stare so I embraced the tension and pushed the envelope. I just smiled back and started chatting. Then ended up having a beer with him and his very attractive female neighbor.
Then simply introduce yourself and tell him how much you enjoy his establishment. I also recommend public speaking, joining an improvisational comedy group, going skydiving or bungee jumping, traveling alone or visit an open mic comedy night and getting on stage with no material prepared.
Most of these activities will be out your comfort zone and will stir up tension in your body. Which is a great thing so start getting used to it.
One of the easiest and most effective ways to hone your nerves under tension is taking cold showers. Crank up the shower to its coldest temperature. It should be below 45 degrees Fahrenheit. Step in and try to remain as calm as possible.
As the freezing water hits your skin like shards of glass, take a deep breath, feel the tension and embrace the feeling. Stay in for as long as you can, while staying as calm as you can. At first, this might feel like torture, especially early in the morning when you just wake up.
You might only be able to last 10 seconds, but eventually you will be able to stay in for minutes at a time. If you can stay calm here, surely you can keep your cool in any less painful social situation. Fill a bathtub up full of ice and stay in for 90 seconds. When you get out you will feel amazing and be full of energy and later that night you will sleep like a baby. Another habit to help you become more grounded is regular meditation.
In its simplest form, mediation is just sitting still and clearing your head for a few minutes. Turn off that analytical mind and focus on nothing but feeling the internal sensations of your body and noticing sounds around you. So simple yet so powerful. Meditation helps you remain calm and centered in the midst of the storm. It will help quiet your mind, return you to the present moment, build patience and feel into your body.
Sure, there are many different techniques and forms of meditations you can experiment with, but if nothing else, just set aside ten minutes a day to sit quiet and focus on your breathing.
There are plenty of guided audio approaches to make shutting off your mind easier, for example phone apps like Breath and Headspace. While every woman has her own preferences, the only universal constant is that she always feels safe around a grounded man. The only way to keep this skill sharp and never dull is to seek out new sources of tension every day. This will drastically improve every aspect of your life, in addition to making you irresistibly attractive to women.
Women quickly lose attraction for men they can easily rattle and emotionally affect. Pick a time each day and stick to it. I recommend the morning or half way through your day.
Start with 5 minutes and after a few days bump it up to 10 minutes… and then 20 minutes. Focus your awareness on your breathing. When thoughts enter your mind, simply go back to focusing on your breathing.
This will help you control your mind and become more present and grounded over time. Download the guide by Matt Artisan and get the date using his proven messages. Yes girl, welcome to the world of millennial dating. Dating is a game. You win, you lose. Here, lemme:.
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